Pardon Me..

Wow! I have all this stuff to say, and I know that’s really rare these days isn’t it? I’m going to have to keep focus, which isn’t easy, considering I’m on my second glass of wine, nope, make that third glass. Okay now I’m scared. It was my second, and then I was interrupted, with talk and food and all that good stuff. So now it’s my third. Did I mention that the last time I had three glasses of wine, I horfed profusely? I am taking much more time drinking my wine this time around, and I think, that’s possibly the good thing to do. Right?

Anyway, I really do have all these things to say, but tonight I’m just going to talk about the fact that – I HAVE A NEW PHONE!  I know! You’re as excited about it, as I am, right? It’s a super cool phone that is also an mp3 player, and this makes me extremely happy, because Oliver, has stolen my iPod. What is with family members and the stealing of the mother figures things? It’s just not fair! I get something awesome, and the next thing you know, it’s no longer mine! It has been snaffled! Taken! Removed from my possession! Is it something specific to mothers? Are we just expected to understand and move on when our prized possessions are spirited away by our husbands, and our children?  Well I won’t stand for it!

Or I wouldn’t…if I didn’t have the coolest phone in the world. It’s not an iPhone, but it’s mine. And I’ll tell you, about the ordeal I went through, to get it.  See, it had been almost two weeks, since my phone was stolen, and I really was starting to truly miss it.  Like, truly. And we spent ages at the insurance office getting everything sorted out.  Thursday rolled around, and Ollie emailed to let me know I could go pick up my voucher – after lunch. He said.  So I had coffee with my friend and her recalcitrant child of whom no school will take right now, since he was expelled over a month ago.  Honestly, a month?  That’s just…it’s just stupid. The Ministry of Education is totally messing them around and it makes me hugely angry, and even more sure of my choice not to teach in the public school system.  So, we had coffee and we talked for hours, like we do, and I wandered off to the insurance company and picked up my voucher.

Then, I kid you not…I spent half an hour searching for the stupid store the voucher was made out to. I don’t take notice of these kinds of store names.  These are Ollie’s domain. He’s the one who finds them interesting, not me.  I went to where I thought it was, and it wasn’t there at all.  It was a different store. And then I got confused…where then, was the store I was looking for?  The mall has recently built a second storey. It could have been anywhere! I remembered, ther was an electronics store outside the mall, so I went there.  And nooo, that wasn’t it either.  Turns out, after much angst and woe, that the store was pretty much right next door to the place I’d just had coffee.  Who knew?

I didn’t. That’s who didn’t anyway.  So I go in there, and I thrust my piece of paper on the desk and I say “I have this, from the insurance company, it’s for a cellphone.”  And the boy serving me looks at it and panics.  He does.  He panicked. “Oh uhm. I’ve never done this before..” and grabs the oldest man in customer service history to help me. “Sorry” he says…”I’ve never done one of these before, you see…” and he runs away.  This old guy, is really helpful, but apparently the paperwork for such claims is very heavy.  First he had to call the insurance company – after looking at my ID to make sure who I was…and then he had to call the head office who were surprised I was in there so soon…since they had other claims sitting there which were MONTHS old.  Hello? Months?  No. I want my phone, and I want my phone now.

“You’re very eager!” He says.  “Yes.” I admit.  “I’m tired of not having a phone.” Which I am. It hasn’t been fun at all. I mean, I almost lost my child and everything. So we wait for the fax to come through, and then we talk about the fact that the phone they’re offering to subsidise me for, isn’t in.  But it’s not just not in there store…it’s not in ANY store. “Too old already” He says.  “Have you looked at what we do have?” And I sort of look at him blankly. “Uhm. No.” I admit. “Oh.” He replies, and then we do some more things which I don’t quite understand, and then we go look at phones.  Now, internet, this is where I must stress to you, the importance of this thing.  I don’t get to look at phones. I don’t get to look at anything electronic, without having Ollie spend at the very least, two weeks researching.  We, me and this lovely old man, are standing in front of a bunch of cellphones, and I am immediately looking for the one closest to the price I’ve been given.  There is nothing.

There is, almost $200 less, or almost $200 more.  I’m totally torn.  Except that there are two phones that I quite like. One is reduced, and silver and okay.  The other is not reduced, black, and super cool.  I’m looking at it going…hmm. So off he goes, because there is apparently something else he needs to do and he comes back and I say “I quite like this one, and this one.  But this one more.” And I’m competely going by look alone internet, because the truth of the matter is, I have never bought an electronic device, on my own tastes before. And I’m thinking…”this is -my- phone, I’m gonna get what I like…and I’m gonna get it…today.”

I did. I bought it, and with it, because it cost less than the quote was for, I got a 3 year extended warranty and a CD – because that was the cheapest thing he could find and it only took a full hour. AN HOUR!!!! What’s with that? It was insane.  So I get home, and I’m thrilled and squeeing, and emailing Ollie who emails back to go “Hey that’s a really good phone according to..I dunno, Consumer?” And I’m all “Were you doubting me?!??!!” Feeling very proud of myself.  Of course, I let myself down entirely with the whole putting it together business. I plugged it in to charge, and it did nothing. “Why are you not doing anything?” I asked it.  And realised, you have to put the battery in first. So, I put in the battery, and then realise, I didn’t put in the sim card.  Then I can’t FIND the sim card, and by the time I have, I notice that you can’t put the sim card in, if the battery is already in there. So, I have to take the battery out.  Which takes me 40 minutes.  You heard me.  40 minutes.

After I finally triumph over this, I put in the sim card, then the battery, and charge my phone!  I did threaten to use a knife to get the battery out, and then to jump on it until it fell out…which maybe scared it into submission. Anyway, the moral of the story is, I have a brand new phone which works as a music player and it’s really damn cool. AND!!! And internet, I not only chose it myself, but I figured out how to put it together and charge it, and entered all the inital date and time stuff…by myself. Also, I read the instructions manual. I know…everyone who knows me has just fallen over and died.

Suddenly, I feel like a grown up, and I’m not sure I like it.

4 thoughts on “Pardon Me..

  1. WOW I’m impressed. And envious. The last time I bought a cellphone I was hungover so I didn’t want to look at all the pretties and just told them to give me that one – pointing to whatever ugly black phone was closest. I hate my phone and now have to wait another 15 months before I can upgrade.

    Also I hate activating phones – you done good!

  2. recalcitrant child,,,,recalcitrant child,,,,,recalcitrant child,,,,,recalcitrant child,,,,,recalcitrant child,,,,,recalcitrant child,,, I wish I knew that word when I was a recalcitrant child,,,,,,,

  3. oh my god! That’s really frightening. I lasted almost 2 weeks without mine. And I definitely don’t check it constantly. *L* I’m terrible for walking out the door without it! But yeah, most of the kids I’ve seen have 2. Telecom and Vodaphone so they don’t have to spend too much money texting friends one one network.

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