I might perhaps have had a wine too many! Where is my Aunty Lee? It’s Friday night and you are not online!!!! AGAIN! Anyway, internet, I had all this really interesting stuff to tell you, but it’s being swept away by the need for sleep. I know, that’s a miserable excuse, it really is. Also, I have the urge to say words like “poppety” and “cheerio” and “toodle pip” and “arse” which isn’t quite as cute as the other words I admit, but still delightfully – do you see that? Delightfully? British. Yes, I may have been listening to Stephen Fry’s boos. He really is very cute. And perhaps, just maybe, I watched the Twilight commentary from start to finish and laughed way too much at Robert Pattinson. How cute is he? Honestly. It’s disgusting. He has the most adorable laugh, and I swear, he’s a geek. He is the biggest GEEK. I cannot get over how often he talked about his eyebrows. He’s right, they really should leave them alone…but then, I’m not sure Edward had a big burly monobrow. I say that affectionately, Ollie has one too. Don’t tell him I told you that. He also likes me to pluck it for him. Oh my god, he’s going to totally kill me when he gets off the xbox!
We’re not supposed to talk about things like that, are we? It’s like, if he told the world about the fact that I may go to the bathroom with the door open, and have perfectly normal conversations with my family members, before I realise, that actually…people should not talk to each other, while one of them is…you know…on the toilet. There see? I shared something terrible with you which totally makes up for the fact that I might pluck my husbands eyebrow. Actually, I don’t any more, because I find it awfully disturbing, I make him pluck his own. I have enough trouble with mine! It’s very unfair actually, considering I still talk to him while I’m in the bathroom. With the door open and he is okay with this while I am very unokay with plucking his eyebrow.
That sounds so much worse than it really is. You see internet, for those of you without children, I’m sure the idea of going to the bathroom with an open door is absolutely hideous. But for those of us -with- children, we actually understand how hard that is. Also, I have cats, and they have this thing about being there, while I’m…in the bathroom. Anyway, it starts harmlessly enough. You need to go to the bathroom, and your children are wailing because they can’t see you anymore, so you naturally, leave the door open, so they can climb all over you and wail in your ear, like they do, for the majority of their lives until they’re 12 and walk into the bathroom because the door is open and go “OH MY GOD MUM!” Actually, she doesn’t. She still talks to me. I’m sure that when she’s 16, she really will go “OH MY GOD MUM CLOSE THE DOOR!” And by that stage, I’ll have been using the bathroom for 16 years with the door open and won’t have any concept on why anyone would close the door at all!
I close it, when people come to visit, you’ll be pleased to know and I feel extremely claustraphobic too, remember that, when you visit…the sacrifices that I am making for you.
Actually, this blog, wasn’t supposed to be about my bathroom habits at all. It was supposed to be about the fact that the girls and I went to the beach today. It’s the last day of the school holidays, aside from the weekend, of which, Ollie is working 5 hours of tomorrow, and then on Sunday we have to go and teach people how to work on their own websites. So, really..it’s the last day of the school holidays. All week, we have been blessed with the most gorgeous weather! It’s been sunny and glorious and I said last night while in bed, not in the bathroom – “I bet it RAINS tomorrow!” And it didn’t, thankfully, but it was overcast and slatey and cold. I didn’t care. I’d totally made up my mind to go to the beach, and that’s what we were going to do. So I’m drumming my fingers on the table, restlessly waiting for Siobhan to get out of the shower – good god! Seriously, I can’t complain, I take just as long…but really? It’s terrible! And then I cannot find my cellphone anywhere.
Where could it be? It’s awful! I hate losing anything. I get crotchity and annoyed and I refuse to look anywhere, but where it should be. So the girls are running around in a fluster and I’m ringing it from our home phone and shrieking like a banshee because I cannot even hear it, and Aleeya goes “I bet daddy took it!” And I’m thinking, why would Ollie take my phone? That would be ridiculous! I call it twice, and cannot hear it. Even when I turn off the music. Which, you know, I don’t always do. So I email him, to inform him I’ve lost my phone and if he wants to get hold of me for the next few hours, he can’t.
“Oh.” He replies. “I found it. IN MY BAG! Sorry.” WTF internet?! I do not care that our phones are identical. I don’t care at all. That’s just…so annoying! Really. Anyway. I got to the beach, and the girls are all “where are we going?” and I am very nonchalent, because the questions “what’s for dinner?” and “where are we going?” for some reason, annoy me to no end and demand answers like “poo on a stick!” or “I have no idea, I’m just driving!” and they are not impressed let me tell you. Except for the driving, because that’s quite exciting. They have no idea where they might end up, until we get close. “Where are we going?” I ask, when it’s very obvious where we’re going “The BEACH!” Siobhan squeals, because Aleeya is too mature, and definitely way too engrossed in whatever she’s reading to actually care anymore where we’re going. And we get there, after half an hour, because, the beach is not nearly as close as it should be, and I tell you what, it’s COLD.
I’m a wuss. I’m the sort of person who gets cold just looking at grey sky. But we’re there, and it took half an hour, so I’m like “let’s go!” And we do. It was low tide and we walked out to the sea, which was so frigid that I might have not been able to breathe for a second or five when I first let it touch my toes, and then, it rushed up our legs and we died a little more with much shrieking and hollaring and it was really nice. Everything was grey, there were barely any people down there at all, and we walked in the sea from one end of the beach to the very other. Then we explored over some rocks, and Aleeya tried to see how deep the water was at the end of some rundown jetty which freaked Siobhan out to no end, and we walked all the way back up. Collecting shells and talking about things and finally getting an icecream. Do you know, it’s $3 for one scoop of icecream? That’s ridiculous. $9 later we’re all shivering like crazy things – because, it’s neither beach weather OR icecream weather, and totally blissing out to the max.
Eventually we went and sat in the car and teased seagulls. Which is always fun, right? And then we came home, and Siobhan cooked dinner – I KNOW! I drank a little too much wine and we squeaked like fangirls listening to Robert Pattinson talk about how unappealing garden burgers were and how it’s hard to look scary in a little baseball outfit with manicured eyebrows and a bouffant. I may love him a little. Really. He’s just too adorable.