Category Archives: blogging

Brand New Day

I stayed in one place for too long,
Gotta get on the run again.
I saw the one thing that I want,
Hell bent, get outta bed.
I’m throwing rocks at your window
You’re tying the bed sheets together.
They say we are dreaming too big
I say this town’s too small

Dream
Send me a sign
Turn back the clock
Give me some time.
I need to break out
And make a new name
Let’s open our eyes
To the brand new day
It’s the brand new day

I’ve taken hits like a brawler,
But I’m getting back up again.
And from the moment I saw her,
I was hell bent with heaven sent.
I’m throwing rocks at your window,
We’re leaving this place together…
They say that we’re flying too high,
Well get used to looking up!

Dream
Send me a sign
Turn back the clock
Give me some time
I need to break out
And make a new name
Let’s open our eyes
To the brand new day
It’s the brand new day

It’s the brand new day
I know it’s the brand new day
Come on to the brand new day
I know it’s the brand new day

— Ryan Star.

It’s a brand new day, and time to breathe life back into my writing. I’ll be back, soon.
xx

Stop Press!

It’s September already, and apparently I still have nothing to say.  I’m going to take a blog break. A good long blog break, of maybe a month, maybe two months. Maybe then I’ll come back feeling energised and fresh and have lots of things to tell you.

Thanks for sticking with me, I will be back, and I’ll let you know when that is too.  But right now, all I have is whining and moaning, and I just don’t feel right whining and moaning here. I’m supposed to be amusing you and fun and sharing hilarious stories.  It’s not that they’re not happening, it’s just that I can’t seem to be bothered to sit here and write.  It’s funny, I’m very slowly losing interest in everything online.

Maybe it’s the gorgeous sun out there. Maybe I’ve just seen enough in the almost 13 years I’ve had exploring the workings of online socialising. Maybe I’ve learned all there is to learn? Maybe, I’ve found out what I truly need. Maybe I’ve been let down one too many times.  I could give you endless maybe’s.  Instead, I’ll give you emails, or maybe I’ll actually start to call people again.  I miss hearing some people’s voices.

I have lots to reflect on. So long, and thanks for all the fish!  Have a good spring/autumn, and we’ll stay in touch, I promise.

love
Kelly
x

When Hatred With His Package Comes…

you forbid delivery.

Oh internet! I have neglected you terribly! It’s true, and I feel utterly ashamed of myself. How could I do such a thing? I know it’s shameful and disobedient of me.  In fact, my husband is so frustrated, he blogged for me yesterday! How about that? I think I might employ him to be a regular. What do you think? Even if he doesn’t write much, he’ll give you photos. You should all leave encouraging words of praise – unless you don’t want to see pictures. Which is fine with me, because you know I’m not going to show them, right?

Anyway, there’s a few reasons I’ve been neglecting you, but the biggest reason is – I have an internet stalker.  He’s not my first internet stalker, so you don’t have to congratulate me just yet.  He is one in a long line of stalkers that I have suffered since I started being an internet chat freak.  It’s true, I won’t deny that I spend time in chatrooms.  That’s where I roleplay you see.  But well before that, there was just “the chat” and I never really considered the fact that people would actually go to the trouble of following you all around the internet for whatever perverse reason they might have, not just men either, I’ve had my share of scary internet women stalkers too. Actually, to be fair, I have two right now. One I have stealthily avoided for over a month by simply changing the way my name shows up on the chatlist.  I KNOW!  It really was that easy.

This particular one though, I thought I’d shaken months ago, and it turns out, I just haven’t. I considered him a very good friend, and friendships sometimes become obsessive and yucky. Did you know that? Oh yes, I used all the lines I always use when I make friends with men…the whole “I’m married and happy” never works you know. “Oh!” they say “I just want to be friends.” Yeah right. I can’t tell you how many men online and offline have said that and then almost begged for more. “I can’t have male friends” I tell them. “That’s just silly.” They laugh. “We’re just friends!” But I think the real problem is, I’m me. My dad always says to me “Kelly,” he says…”You can’t go through life being SO DAMN HONEST!” And I know this, because every time I be honest, I’m messed with. The problem is, I can’t stop being honest. I can’t not talk about everything under the sun, and apparently, talking about anything to do with sexuality with a man who is not your husband, is a come on.  Did you know that? I didn’t.  Yes I know, I’m 32 and I should know better…but it’s what interests me, I like to talk about sexuality, I like to hear people’s stories. I find it very, very interesting. Anyway, when he started trying to turn the rest of our friends against me, I knew it was well overdue of me to cut him out of my life.  You’d be surprised, at how -not- simple this is. Particularly, if like me, you haunt almost every networking site available.  The internet becomes, a very small place.  You let them see something, and they eventually find everything.

So that’s the reason I’ve been neglecting this blog. I just haven’t really had the heart to write anything that might be read, considering I’ve found him lurking in all manner of my haunts.  For what purpose you might ask?  I’d like to know that myself. What do you think stalkers want to find out?  Whether you’re talking about them?  Well tonight I am. Tonight I’m talking about my stalker.  That’s what he is…and I don’t care to hide that fact anymore.  Every time I tell myself I’m no longer a victim, I start acting like one again. It’s ridiculous and stupid of me. I know this, and I’m finished. I am back! I am! Be joyous with me!  I should have a wine.  Maybe I will tomorrow.

Ollie found a way to block his IP, so he can’t read my blog anymore.  However, I am almost 100% certain he will send one of his lackies in to see whether or not I am *gasp* writing about him.  This is the first, and only public post I’ll make. It needed to be said. And now, I’m going to do what he can’t seem to do. I’m moving on! Again! For months, I’ve barely thought about him, and now there he is, lurking in the shadows like some filthy little pondscum, desperate to see what we’re all doing in his absence.  Hoping we’re sad and missing him. Well we’re not.

And I’m back! No more hiding in the shadows!  I’ve missed you all, and OH MY GOD! I hope you haven’t all stopped reading! I’ll make it up to you, I swear.  I’ll even let Ollie post pictures.  Now -that’s- love.
xx

Hey!

Hi!

I haven’t forgotten about you, I promise. I’ll be writing very soon I swear. The girls are dancing again tomorrow, and then I promise I’ll be back. With photos! I know, you’re excited now.

Thanks for sticking with me!
x

Drain Bamage.

I have writers block, again.  NaBloPoMo suggests I write 30 posts on routine. I’m bored already. In fact I yawned so much, I think I locked my jaw.  I wrote about routine already! Look down there at the delightfully interesting subject of supermarkets.  It’s been a full week and I have been prompted to write. I’m looking at you Dee!  I have nothing! I am having a moment of complete drain bamage! Not even my music is inspiring me, and considering how great it is, it really should be. These guys rock. You should all go out and find their CD’s. Look them up on youtube. I shared Start Wearing Purple with you, go watch it! It was fashioned entirely out of awesome – oh, you’ll find them at the end of the post.

Okay fine. Here’s some routine. Or rather, this is what went down today.  You’re riveted already aren’t you?  I’m yawning again, hang on just a minute…

I went to dance this morning. I was late. I ran around the house in a flap trying to pull my costume together, trying to remember my water bottle, trying to find my shoes, wishing that I wasn’t still recovering from a migraine and feeling pretty dubious about the wellbeing of my stomach.  I made it only 5 minutes late, which is a record for me. And proceeded to be extremely dazzling.  No, it’s true.  Aside from the fact that I am terrified, internet..absolutely terrified I’m going to shimmy out of my bra, I was delicious.  One of the girls videoed us and we watched it at the end of class. I shook out my hair, put on my bra with only a few tears at the freezingness of walking around half naked, and I danced, beautifully. I really did.  I was quite inspired by myself. If I dance like that on the night, I’ll be very pleased.  Of course, I need to remember to suck in my tummy.  And the shoulder shimmies – which I am totally being modest and making much smaller than they’re supposed to be, make my boobs move much, much too enthusiastically, which I am sure will offend parents of young children and have the male part of the audience completely unsure where to look, and yet, uncomfortably mesmorised to the swaying of my ginormous bust.  Honestly, Michelle, couldn’t you have like, had the decency to HAVE A BUST! So that maybe mine could be less huge??  It’s totally your fault. You were born first. You were supposed to share the bosom.

And after I thrilled our teacher, and the other dancers who were all “mmmrawwrrrr Kellyyyyyyy in the red and green!” with delicious gloves that run right up my arm and stop just at my tattoo, deliciously framing him to complete perfection, I drove home in the rain and the cold and I re-lit my fire and I played, and cooked a gorgeous stew, and we watched Harry Potter 3 – which remains my favourite one to date. They will have to do something superb to win me over with the next two movies, because nothing, and I really mean nothing beats Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. I’m having a moment.  Okay it’s over.  Honestly, who can not love Gary Oldman? And while we were watching Harry Potter 3, in preparation for Harry Potter 6 – obviously we’re watching them all right now…I got a phone call.

I never get phone calls.  Do you know why?  Because I never ring people. I don’t! I am the most hopeless friend in the whole world. I will text, but I won’t call. Every time I make a new friend, I warn them, many times, that I don’t call them on the telephone.  If you tell me to ring you? Like in a text five minutes before you want me to ring? I will have a slight angst moment about it, and then call you.  But otherwise, I have this severe dislike, of picking up the telephone and ringing people.  I’m not entirely sure what it is, I think it stems from the fact that it feels so much like an infringement on people’s personal space. I also have a huge dislike of people knocking on my door. I am not very polite to religous and sales doorknockers, and I hate, hate, HATE it when people just show up unannounced. Normally because you’ll catch me in my pjs, with a messy house, and it grates on me when people just turn up! Unless they have presents, or food, or presents AND food!

I actually love to talk on the phone.  Once you ring me? You won’t ever get me off the phone, unless I really have to go somewhere.  I go to the bathroom, while I talk on the phone.  It’s usually okay right up until I flush the toilet.  But you know what? If you’re my friend, you’ll be used to me oversharing with you. I am the queen of overshare.  Anyway, I got a call from a friend I’ve been thinking about for -weeks- now, and really been missing.

We probably won’t meet anytime soon, I did try to invite myself over for dinner with the added bonus of fixing her computer – at least, Ollie would.  She sounded a little thrilled, but not enough for me to know it was going to happen, which is perfectly fine with me, because let’s face it, if she invited herself over for dinner at my house? I would probably hang up on her.  No I wouldn’t!!  But wouldn’t that be hilarious?  We talked for not long enough, but that’s to be expected at an indecent hour of the night when you’re midway through watching Harry Potter with your daughters…about fantastically interesting and wonderful things.  She is, as I expected working hard and being fabulous, and it was so great to hear from her.

So that’s been my day!  It’s been really nice, considering the horrible day I had yesterday…I’m relaxed again and feeling better about life and it’s all good.  Of the bad – Greebo got in a fight and tore his head to shreds, literally. He has a drain in his head, stitches and a cone which is really frustrating him.  It cost a stupid amount of money and I might have cried, a lot about it.  I’m so sick to death of him doing this…I can’t tell you how much money he has cost us over the years.  It’s ridiculous, and I’m too soft to do anything, but nod and agree with the vet, who then charges us retarded amounts of money. *sigh* I picked him up yesterday, I had a migraine…I started to panic about dancing and being sick..it was a mess.  Today was great.  Thank you my girls, for spending it with me.  Your company keeps me sane when I feel like I’m going to explode. love you.
—————-
Now playing: Gogol Bordello – Baro Foro
via FoxyTunes

Don’t Let The Man Get You Down

Internet! I am a bad, horrible blogger, it’s true. I actually have some very interesting things to say, but I’m always a little on the nervous side when it comes to posting them up for all the world to see. But maybe I’ll rework that post I wrote and put it up for you to read, maybe it will spark some interest and people might comment again. How I miss your comments. They are the spice of my life, you know. They make me most happy. They keep me writing!  When you stop commenting, I stop being interested!  So there, it’s YOUR OWN FAULT I am neglectful of my blog.

So, I never did get my thirty heroes done, and it’s almost the end of June already. Can you believe there’s only one week and four days until it’s July? That’s..7 months into 2009 all ready!  NUTS!

I thought, instead of burning out trying to blog huge and inspiring posts about all my heroes, I’d give you one post, with twenty five people who have influenced my life in some way.  I’ve already done five posts, so I only have 25 people to go. I’m going to do it all right now, and get it over with.  Are you excited?  You should be.  I haven’t even thought about who these 25 people are, and they will be put in no particular order. I’m not very orderly you see, it’s best to just write I feel.  Okay, here goes nothing. *L*

Literary Heroes
Janet Frame.
I wrote a post about her once before, but I can’t find it now. She is one of the most amazing NZ writers ever. She came through so many things that are so very similiar to things I have faced, and she made it. Her writing is deeply personal and maudlin, and represents the NZ way of life beautifully. She focussed on the lower classes, on hardship and family and her work is a huge inspiration to me.

J K Baxter.
What can you say about J K Baxter? He’s possibly one of the most brilliant poets of all time. He wrote intensely profound poems as a child, and an adult. His life is fascinatingly bizarre and he is one poet, that I can always read and love.

Leonard Cohen.
Whatever people say about Leonard Cohen’s music, the man is and always will be, a literary genius. His poems are some of the most influential poems I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.  He wrote an amazing book too. I love him. I love his deep voice, I love the way he’s changed over the decades, I love his philosophy and his mind. He’s amazing.

Salman Rushdie.
This man changed my life. His writing is so beautiful, so full of depth and intricacies and Indian political failures…he is so incredibly inspiring and possibly, one of the most intelligent men on earth. I love him.

Stephen King.
I started reading him when I was about 12, and continued to read and collect his books until I was about 20. He knows his genre inside out, and is a remarkably influential writer because he -always- sells. It doesn’t matter how many books he writes, or what you might think of them, they still sell thousands.  Stephen King has mastered the art of writing a bestseller, and while I don’t read his books anymore, he’s my hero for that reason.

 

Dance Heroes.
Jude.
Jude was my first belly dance teacher and still remains a very influential person in my life. I respect her greatly. She taught me for eight years and the grounding I have in folkoric dance and the understanding of classical Eygptian and North African belly dance comes from her. She gave me my first chances at performing for an audience, and paid performance, and while I no longer take her classes, her support and her deep knowledge of Middle Eastern dance still puts her right up there in my heroes list.

Rachel Brice.
Rachel Brice is amazing. She’s one of the strongest and muscular dancers I’ve ever seen. Watching her dance inspired me to learn Tribal bellydance, which I love. I love the lack of choreography, the sychronised movements, the costuming, the music.  It’s a very beautiful dance form. I don’t learn it anymore either, but I still do love to watch it performed. Rachel’s dance style blows my mind. She’s awesome.

Gendi.
Anyone in New Zealand who didn’t manage to take a few of Gendi’s classes really missed out. She started the school I’m currently dancing with, and was my first Tribal and Orientale teacher. I came in, just as she went out unfortunately, but I knew her for years before I took classes with her.  Watching her dance was awe inspiring. Being in her class was too. Love her.

Yurie.
I’ve danced in Yurie’s classes on and off for a few years now, and her choreographies are always incredible, beautiful, and challenging. Yurie’s a great teacher, she’s very supportive and encouraging and very, VERY precise.  Her dance style is absolutely stunning. She’s elegant and beautiful and if I could dance like her, and make it look as pretty and effortless as she does? I’d die a happy woman.

Randa Kamel.
She’s my new hero. I just love her! I love her dance style, her energy, her passion.  She’s just amazing to watch. She’s very influential at the moment, and a lot of people are learning and adopting her style, which is great, because it’s gorgeous, and being given the opportunity to learn it, is fantastic.

 

Family Heroes.
Mum.
I think everyone considers their mother a hero in some respect, don’t they? Mine certainly is. For many reasons, but mostly because no matter what happens, she always bounces back. She takes control of her life and she lives it. I think everyone can learn from that. Everytime she’s been stepped on, she comes back stronger. I love you.

Dad.
My dad is an amazing man. He’s one of the deepest thinkers I know. Having conversation with him, always leaves you thinking and analysing, and coming up with your own ideas. He’s my biggest supporter, we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but he’s always been there for me. He’s given me some of the best advice I could ever hope for, and he supports me, even when he thinks I’m wrong.

John.
My brother is an amazing man. He’s so terribly New Zealand blokish, just like my Grandfather was. John always seems like a hard ass, but if you sit down and talk to him, he always listens to what you have to say. He’s turned into an amazing father and husband, he does so much for his family. He’s been working since he was a kid, and his work ethic puts me to shame – which isn’t hard. John is one of those people you can always count on if you need help with something. He’s my hero, because he’s mastered the art of being an amazing provider, father and stable presence in everyone’s lives.

Aunty Lee.
Like my brother, Aunty Lee is one of those people you know you can count on. She’s been there for us, in whatever form she could be, since she came back from Australia when I was like, five years old? She’s the life and soul of the party and you are guaranteed a good time if you’re with her. She’s very non-judgemental and supportive. She’s my hero because, she opens up when I ask her things, she never judges me, and she was there when we needed her.

Mrs. Gear.
Okay, she wasn’t really family..at least, not related family, but she will always be family to me. Mrs. Gear was the heart and soul of our neighbourhood. She took in all the kids and her house was never empty.  She’d feed you if you were hungry, or just let you stay there and watch tv if that’s all you wanted to do. I never saw her out of the kitchen, I never saw her turn anyone away, and she used to change my pants when I was small. She’s my hero for certain. I don’t know how she ever put up with us, but she did.

Personal Heroes.

Anna & Erika.
Ha! Just as you find my blog.  I can’t believe you thought I’d forgotten about you. Impossible! I’m putting you both together, and still counting you as two heroes, since you are both individuals after all, but the reason you’re my heroes come down to the same thing really. You were both such influential friends in my life. Right when I truly needed friends like you, who understood me, and the things I was going through. You guys helped shape me into the person I am today. Without you in my life, I’m not sure I would have made it through those dark years. And then, with your own hardships, the both of you turned into wonderful women whom I’m still extremely proud to know, even if it’s at a distance.

Mary Dawn.
What can I tell you about Mary Dawn? Aside from the fact she was waiting for her hero post? Here it is damnit! *L* She’s really amazing. She’s one of the most interesting women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting online. I still remember the first debate we got into, about Memoirs of a Geisha, when I was disappointed by the use of a chinese actress and she was not.  It got pretty heated from what I remember, and after that, I was kind of hooked. Our friendship built pretty slowly, over time and hours of conversation and graphic making. She’s my hero because she’s one of those people who has faced serious hardship and won. Even though she doesn’t think so. She never sugarcoats anything, she’s always deadly honest, and you can’t ask for anything more than that in a friend.

Rachel.
Rachel already knows why she’s my hero. But the rest of you may not. Rachel is pretty young, and yet, I can never remember how old she is, because she’s more mature than I am most of the time. She’s serious and quiet and extremely clever. She is perhaps the best graphic designer I’ve ever seen. Her work astounds me. She was difficult to get to know, it took a long time before she began to open up, and then when she did? She blew my mind. She’s a very gifted writer and the kind of friend I know won’t ever turn her back on me. She’s proven that already. Rachel has a heart of gold, and is working her ass off right now.  She’s the girl you can tell anything to and know that she won’t judge you for it.

Kathryn.
One of my oldest online friends. She’s incredible. She’s the most honest, loyal woman you could ever hope to meet. She has stood by what she believes in, for longer than anyone else I know. She’s always there for me if I need her, she never expects my time, she’s grown and blossomed and I have to admit, she was one of the most influential people to have come into my life online. She taught me a lot about myself, and what I believe. She gave me friendship, love and companionship when I needed it.  She’s amazingly sweet and giving.  Totally my hero.

Tina.
I never call Tina, Tina!  It’s funny how online names will stick.  This woman, is another one of those extremely inflential people in my life. She and I have been friends for many years now, and she has always inspired me.  She’s truly amazing. I look up to her a lot. She has two beautiful sons now and is a high school teacher. Tina helped me rationalise things and was always there to listen when I needed to talk to someone about my teacher training. She inspired me in many ways. A lot of ways she probably has absolutely no idea were inspiring at all.  Tina makes the best of every situation, she never lets anything get the better of her.

Lori B.
I wrote a post about LoriB awhile ago, she’s right up there with all my other graphic design people. She’s such a fantastic friend. She’s always there for me when I need her, with advice and her shoulder, and anything I could ever want from her. She’s never turned me down for anything.  She has me totally hooked on silly facebook games and I love her for it.  Her graphics are astounding. She has an amazing talent. Her eye for detail is just so incredible, and I love her to death. She hasn’t had it easy, and she’s always totally honest with me. I appreciate and value honesty more than people will ever know. Lori’s definitely my hero. You should see the gorgeous kids she gave birth to.  Stunning.

Wow! That took me FOREVER!  Please don’t be offended if I missed you out. It’s not intentional, and it doesn’t mean you’re not important to me.  I just wanted to try and get a range of different kinds of heroes out there.  I love you all, and you all know it.

Yo Peeps!

If you’d like to comment, and I know you’d like…you have to click into the post. To do this, click the Title of the post, and it will take you to this new and exciting place which allows you to comment! I KNOW! Magic. Please comment. Comments are love.

Habina!

Because! That’s why! Actually, someone gave me a couple of Rachid Taha’s songs, and I have recently aquired the albums they’re from.  He is all kinds of awesome. Truly. I love him.  Is he my hero? Well, I’ve kind of only just discovered him, and I’m not very knowledgable about him yet, so no. He might be, one day.  I’m slack with this hero thing right? Are you surprised? It’s not because I don’t have heroes, it’s a little because most of you aren’t even commenting!  Which totally deflates my huge ego.  Have you no idea?  Also, it feels kind of, like I’m being a crawly bumlick. So, I’m stopping.  Unless someone does something truly exceptional which makes me go “OMG U’R LIEK ME HEROZ LAWLZ”.

I’m going to talk about dance again.  Are you very bored already?  The truth is, I’m extremely proud of myself. I have had..hm..5 classes and a private in which to learn this dance, and do you know what? I kind of have learned it. I KNOW! I’m blissing today.  We did it with no mirror, and then facing away…facing away was a little trickier, but the other two practices, I was only slow on two parts. And I know what they are. The rest of it, I am kind of rocking.  I have no idea how I managed to do it, because I have been utterly terrified of this choreography. It is a drum solo, and full of very hard accent moves and turns…oh my god the turns. There are so many turns!  I am not the world’s best turner.  It took me years…literally, to be able to turn in circles without getting dizzy and falling over.  Even spotting didn’t help.  And this dance is spin after spin after spin and then, spin the other way and pop your chest, and drop your pelvis and shimmy on a hip slide!

It’s the cutest dance ever. One of the other girls videoed us, and apart from my face of horror and concentration, I was pretty damn good!  I know I’m doing the face of horror and concentration, because I’m still counting in my head and hoping that I haven’t got the wrong part of the dance in my mind and remembering which foot to step on and how to do it with a three quarter down shimmy.  But do you know what internet?  I am very confident that by the time we dance it in the first week of July – I’m not thinking about how soon that actually is – I will be ready! READY!!  It’s a very challenging choreography, which the other dancers keep saying too. And considering the X amount of weeks they have had to get ready and dance it, I am so proud of me that I could pop.

So I am rocking out tonight, to Rachid Taha, and considering very carefully about influencing Miss Yellow into dancing to one of his songs with me. They are a little on the long side though, which is the only thing. I think his shortest songs – which are also his coolest ones, are like 5 minutes 30, and six minutes long.  I’m entertaining tomorrow night. Ollie is running around in a flap going “are you dancing? Are you GOING TO BE DANCING IN MY HOUSE?!?  WHERE WILL I KILL THINGS?!”  And threatening to clear out the dining room – which is where I spend my entire life, since it is also where the computer is.  The dining/living area is sort of open plan. There are glass doors which can separate lounge from dining, which I think will come in handy during teenage years. We shut them in there on Aleeya’s birthday and covered the floor in mattresses and they seemed perfectly happy. It meant we had a little quiet, and I still had beloved computer. *pets him*

On another note, I haven’t entertained in my house for a few months. I think I need to tidy up a little bit. Ollie is supposed to be doing his ironing. Do you think he is? NO! He’s killing things. Brutally, by the way.  And I am forced to let him do this, because he came home from work at 1pm and stacked the new lot of wood we had delivered while I…ahem..uh…while I roleplayed. *meek look* I know.  I am terrible!  I did make him lunch and I bought him a Mars Bar AND I made a very delicious beef stew.  I performed my wifely duties and he played the big man. That’s how it’s supposed to be, right? Don’t be giving me any of this ‘liberated woman’ thing. I did feminism at University. Back when it was still called feminism! And I choose to be a girly girl who dances and doesn’t cut wood thank you very much.  My lecturers would be appalled.  Let’s not mention Gor, shall we?  Okay, let’s not.

My brother had a terrible accident yesterday.  Please think positive thoughts about him.  He broke both bones in his leg and has to have metal plates put in it. He already broke his ankle years ago and has pins in that which have given him a lot of trouble for the past 15 or so years. He slid on a patch of ice and went into a parked trailer. Mum said his face is pretty badly bruised and that he might have broken his nose as well.  I can’t imagine how much it must hurt. Poor Johnny.

Girlfriend In A Coma

This woman, is my best friend in the entire world. I met her 12 years ago, when Ollie and I moved to Christchurch together, and I went looking for alternative, in home care for Siobhan, while I went to University.  Her sister, was the woman who ended up taking care of Siobhan until she went to school, and Aleeya until she was around four. This family, became my family away from my family. They took us in and made us their own. These girls – there are four of them, and two boys, though I really only knew and was good friends with three of the girls – invited us to bbq’s, they shared our lives, we spent a lot of time together while all our kids were young, having picnics, going to the beach, having coffee dates, looking after each other.

All three of them, at one time or another were very good friends of mine. But this one, remained close. I first met her at her sisters house, she was sitting on the couch and she said something that was so insanely honest and rude that my mouth fell open. I can’t remember what it was anymore, but it caught my attention totally.  I spent a long time changing my hair colour, turning it to dreadlocks, cutting it off..doing everything possible to it, and she was there with me all the way. She loved everything I did. She started to have a huge impact on me, every time I went to pick Siobhan up from her sister’s. Every time I was there, she made the effort to talk to me, to get -me- to talk back, and I couldn’t resist her – I am insanely careful about who I share myself with, but eventually, she became my very best friend.

Lou is the kind of woman that you can tell anything to, and even though she’ll cover her face and go “TMI TMI!” she will give you a reply, an honest, quirky and helpful reply. She’s amazing. I can’t talk about her enough. She has six children and has raised them, pretty much single handedly. She came to University with me for awhile and did amazingly. She eventually trained to be a midwife, with six children, no husband and she passed with flying colours. She has been places you wouldn’t ever want to think about. She’s seen things that most people will never even know about. And she is, the most generous, selfless woman I have ever met.

Lou would give you the shirt off her back if you asked for it, and then she’d ask you if you wanted her dress too. She is amazingly giving. She has taught me so much about myself. She stood beside me through everything that I did. Every time I fall, I know she’s there to catch me. If I need to talk, she listens, if I need to cry, she doesn’t like it at all, but she totally lets me. She was there when I was at my lowest, and she’s been there when I succeeded. She’s encouraged, and supported every decision I’ve made, no matter how ridiculous or wrong it was. Lou will never tell you that you’re wrong. She will tell you if she thinks you’re making a mistake, she will offer you the sagest advice you’re ever likely to hear from anyone, and she won’t ever tell you “I told you so” when you realise for yourself how wrong you were.

Her life has been full of hardship. There are so many things that have stood in her way, so many things that still do. And she comes out on top, every single time. Having her in my life has been a godsend. I would not give up the twelve years I’ve had with her, for anything. She’s totally my hero. Anyone who can raise six beautiful children, pass a grueling three year midwifery degree and deal with the family issues she has had over the past few months and still be strong, dependable and always there for anyone, is a true hero in my books. I look up to her, and not just because she’s way taller than I am. She’s been the rock for me during the times when the only person you really and truly need in your life, is another woman.

She is the most honest and the most real person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, I always know that I’m going to get the complete truth from her if I ask a question. I know that every time we meet and have coffee together, I’m getting her, warts and all, that she will give me everything she has to give and more. I know that she will offer me advice that will change my mind. I know that she will never, ever judge me for anything I might say or do. I know I am safe, when I’m with her. I really miss her today, and she will totally kill me, if she ever finds out I posted about her!

I love you Wahna. You’re my VBFF. You truly are my hero. And thanks for The Smiths.

My Sweet Prince

You are the one.

I got an email from NaBloPoMo, just like I do every month, and instead of looking at it sitting there unread in my email box, and going “meh” and deleting, I read it.  This month’s blogging theme, is Heroes. For the month of June, we’re supposed to come up with thirty people, that we admire. I think, this is a big task. Particularly when some of the people you might think of, as heroes, may not want you to talk about them on your blog. But I’m going to give it a go. I need some inspiration, I’m not writing nearly as much as I should be. I’m up and down and all around the bend again lately, and I need something to focus on.  So internet, here is my attempt, at finding thirty heroes; at enlightening you all with my thoughts and feelings about people I love.

I’m starting easy, also, while I have a lifetime of reasons why some of my heroes are heroes, I’m just going to give you one reason each. My first hero, and you have to admit that you knew it would be him, is my husband. There’s so much I could tell you about him, so much I already have. In fact, let’s start by remembering those posts. Last year, I gave you the story of how we met and how we grew up together, in celebration of our thirteenth year. And this year, I tried to do the same, but my anniversary was coloured by many other things which took away from our time together. It’s disappointing actually, and I don’t think I will link to it after all, but it’s there in April, and I’m sure most of you have read it.

So, why is he a hero? Thirteen years ago,  I fell pregnant. It was an extremely emotional time for me. When I knew, just knew in my heart that I was pregnant, I also knew that I would never see my grandfather again. He died, several days later. I remember it as if it were yesterday, Ollie was home from University, he’d set up his mother’s garage and we – me and several of his friends – and him obviously, used to stay there a lot.  Ollie played me Lightening Crashes by Live this day, and as I listened to it,  I cried. It was and still is a very emotional song for me. If you don’t know it, he sings about a mother giving birth, and an old lady down the hall who dies. One angel entering the world, and one exiting. And both of my knowledges were true; I never did see my grandad again, and I really was pregnant.

After a lot of pretending I wasn’t, in the hopes that maybe it would just go away – I was only just 19, you just don’t have babies when you’re 19, you’re still invincible and full of life. Children are a part of a world you don’t ever envision for yourself. After an entire shift from one end of the country to the other, the eventual taking of a pregnancy test, the following extreme morning sickness that saw me drop to 46kgs – 100lbs and end up in hospital dehydrated enough that it took them four goes to find a vein that had not collapsed – I rung home and told my parents. I expected to be disowned, and instead they told me to come home.  Ollie came every day to the hospital, and would read to me, until I fell asleep.  Only then would he leave again. He came home with me. He was 18 years old. He was intensely shy and very private. He barely ever said a word to anyone who wasn’t me, or a very close friend.  He came home with me, and fronted up to my parents after having gotten their youngest child pregnant. I always tell people this story, and consequentally, so does my father.

I’m not sure how many of you know or remember what boys are like at 18, but they are certainly not the sort of creatures you would expect to stick by a girl they’d got pregnant. I never expected him to stay, and am always amazed that he did. I would not have held it against him, if he’d run screaming when I told him I was going to keep the baby. Ollie finished two years of University, and brought me and Siobhan – who was five months old, to Christchurch. He started his third year of University, I started my first, and fell into a heavy postnatal depression. By the time Siobhan was a year old, I was hospitalised and needing constant supervision to get me out of the depression I suffered. He came and visited me, again, every day. He took care of everything while I was there, and he never once complained. He stood by me and held my hand, and let me cry.

Ollie is one of those people who never judges another person. He loves unconditionally, he supports and understands, and even when he doesn’t understand he tries. He is truly, one in a zillion billion. I am extremely blessed to have him in my life, to share children with him. He is definitely, my biggest hero. <3