I want to tell you about my fetish for cats. I have one you know, it disturbs me at times, because, I mean seriously..have you ever lived with a cat? They’re frighteningly good at making you completely insane. I’m allergic to cats, they make my eyes itch and I can’t stop sneezing..it’s just wrong. They shed fur everywhere, and it’s impossible to get out of your black clothing and off your black furniture. Why would anyone have black furniture when they own cats? It was Ollie’s brothers and it was cheap! It’s really nice too, when you’ve spent an hour vacuuming it until your arm is sore and there are only several hundred hairs left, rather than several thousand.
I have three cats. I know! I’m like, a serious cat collector. I just can’t help myself. I see one and I just.must.have.it! I must! I had more at one time, but right now, I have three. Two gingers and one tortoise-shell and white. Because, if you’re going to have cats and black clothes and furniture, you might as well go the whole hog and get ones whose fur is most likely to stand out against everything precious you have.
The other morning – I’m not a morning person you see..in fact, it was the morning after I’d had my teeth pulled out, Ollie came in to give me a kiss before he went to work. I was curled up in bed, as I’m wont to do at 8am in the morning, because seriously, I procrastinate about EVERYTHING, including getting out of bed. Anyway, there I am, freshly toothpulled, hair all askew…and I look up at him, my precious, loving husband and I smile, a good big smile – you know the sort, the ones that are guaranteed to show off any missing teeth you might have in your head. And he looked down at me, from the corner of his eye with this most disdainful look on his face and he said “oooh, not a good look with your hair like that, makes you look like a crazy old cat lady!”
Can you believe he’d say that? I know! I mean, honestly, cruel and yet so, so true. I got to thinking about this, and it’s so right. I really am a crazy old cat lady! I mean, I have three of them, I talk to them..each one has it’s very own special “Kelly voice” which I use depending on which one I’m talking to. And I have to admit it, I really like being a crazy old cat lady. When I start throwing them at people and talking gibberish, that’s when I’ll worry.
You can’t tell the world about your cats however, without showing pictures of them. So here you go, here is an introduction to the other children in my life.
Tell me that’s not a face you could love? This is Swirl. She’s my oldest cat..she must be around 8 now. I was thinking about this yesterday, I thought we’d been living in this house for 4 years, but it’s been 5! And we have had her since Aleeya was a little baby..she was a year old when we got her..so, she must be 8. The people who used to own her didn’t get her speyed, she was a year old and pregnant with her second litter of kittens and they were talking about having her put down. As if I could let that happen, right? So I took her, she gave birth almost on Siobhan’s knee. This was a cat they’d told us was self sufficient, who’d catch her own food and lived outside. She had to catch her own food of course, because they never fed her. She has turned into a complete indoor cat. I found homes for all the kittens and kept one. She’s big and fat and has a funny eye, she got in a fight before we got her, and it ruined her eyelid muscles..she can close the creepy white third eyelid thing cats have, but her actual eyelid never closes. She’s likely to smoosh up with you and then scratch your head open if you dare get too close. Aleeya has suffered many times due to this. “Don’t put your head on the cats!” I warn, to no avail. She refuses to learn. Swirl loves Siobhan however, and pretty much lives in Siobhan’s room. She sleeps ON Siobhan..she steals all the sheets off Siobhan, and Siobhan? Well, she’s such a nice girl, that she lets her. You can go in to tuck Siobhan in, and pull the sheets up and Swirl will just roll because she completely refuses to move.
This sexy man, is my Grevious. Greebo, if you will. He’s Swirls baby, so he’s about 7 now. He’s a big fat ginger and white boy, and his life is spent tormenting his mother and playing with a tennis ball, which he grabs, flops on his side and tears up with his hind legs. We used to have a Rottwieler. Greebo, when he was a kitten used to climb up on the poor dog bite her neck and…well, we all know what hormonal teenage boys do right? Her head for goodness sake. She would look at me with those big sad eyes and sigh. He grew out of it eventually. He only has one top fang, because he fights ALL the time, and he was clawed in it, it got infected, and they pulled it out. He has had more abscesses and fighting wounds than I can count. And he is my baby. He purrs like a mad thing and loves me to death. He likes to bring me presents a lot. Sometimes he forgets to share and there is only a head or a wing. Last week, there was a magpie. He is “teh mighty hunter!!” No one must touch me, or dare look at me when he and I are curled up together on the couch. Of course…that was until I destroyed his entire life by daring to get *gasp!* another cat!
*squeeee!* This is Miss Lily. Tigerlily. One of the coolest animals in the whole world! Michelle (she’s my sister you know) has two ginger female cats. You don’t see ginger female cats all that often, and I made her promise me that she’d give me a female ginger if she got one. She did! A whole one! We had her flown down to us, and we were all on edge…I mean, she was so tiny and flown? A cat?!! Would she survive? Much to our surprise, Lily was the most non-plussed of all. She was purring when we picked her up. She fit right in as soon as we got her home. She was so tiny and precious and cuuuute! And she still is. Her purr is so loud your head almost rattles, she is fearless and gives Greebo a run for his money. He is so completely NOT impressed at this new addition, and she’ll lurk under coats and pounce at him, even though he beats crap out of her when she does it. The hatred he feels for her is incensed by her desire to make him love her. She has the longest tail I’ve ever seen on a cat, and it twitches, no..vibrates when she’s interested in something. She will leap into Ollie’s arms too, much to his delight. She wrestles and fights and plays like nothing you can imagine and then, when you pick her up, she goes completely limp and lays there in your arms purring and purring and kissing you. She used to lick my hand all the time, now it’s just every once in awhile when I’m really lucky. She prefers to be outside these days you see, although she will curl up under the blankets with me if Ollie doesn’t catch her and put her out!
None of them like each other, they will tolerate one another if they really have to, but they each pretend that the others do not exist. Except Lily, who is desperate to have the other two play with her. So when you catch something as rare as these next two photos, you just have to share them with the whole world. Lily had curled up with me on the couch, and not to have his woman over taken, Greebo decided to join in. This is what ensued:
Whoever said yawning wasn’t contagious?? <3