Category Archives: teeth

Teef, teefy, teefers! And My Irrationality.

Ohai readers! Actually, I’m fairly sure you’ve all gone, and I truly don’t blame you at all. I have really had nothing at all interesting to tell you, which makes blogging very, very difficult indeed.  Anyway, let me thrill you with yet another story about my teeth. I shall endeavour to come back and be more interesting and more dedicated. But until I get a job and actually have a reason to get out of the house and be around people again, it might take me awhile to figure out any thrilling ways to entertain you about the boringness of my life!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this intensely irrational fear of losing my teeth. It’s one of those fears that creeps up on me and terrifies me into believing they’re all going to fall out of my head and I have been plagued by nightmares where my teeth just crumble and flake and fall out, and I’m spitting my teeth out into my hands. It’s really, really terrifying. I wake up in a cold sweat.

When I was 16 I think…maybe 15, a few friends and myself got drunk at one of their houses and then decided to go for a walk down to this park. The girl whose house it was decided that we’d take a shortcut through someone else’s property. This involved jumping down over quite a high wall.  I’m 5’2, so pretty much everything is very high. So we’re sitting on the edge of it, and a dog starts barking hardcore, so we jump, and one of my friends who is behind me, and much larger than I was fell on my back and smashed my face into the ground. Which was gravel. We get up and dust off, and I’m thinking “wtf is that warm shit dripping onto my hand?” I look down, and it’s blood. My teeth punctured my bottom lip and I am bleeding like you see in movies! It was terrifying! It didn’t even hurt.

Anyway, we walk to the hospital, because I lived in a very small town, and it wasn’t far…and they tell me it’s shredded, and there’s no way they’re going to be able to stitch it, so give me some tissues to staunch the bloodflow and send me on my way. Anyway…that little venture cracked my two front teeth, but they were fine, and I was terrified of the dentist, so I ignored it.  Then, my parents let me ride one of those little motor scooters so that they didn’t have to drive me around the place all the time.  I played a little  game one night of seeing how fast I could take the corners. You’re starting to see where I’m going with this, right?

I actually made it all the way home, where I screamed into our driveway and slammed on the brakes…on gravel. I lost control of the bike and skidded off. I was wearing a helmet which is lucky, because my head didn’t smash like an orange, but it wasn’t a full helmet and I cracked my teeth..again. This time, I did go to the dentist. He decided they needed root canals, and when he started drilling, I whimpered, and he said “Did you feel that?” And I..stupid girl, went “uh..uh huh?” I honestly don’t think I felt a thing, but I was so scared because he wouldn’t give me an injection. “Oh.” He says…”in that case, you’re fine!” And he filled the little hole he’d made and sent me on my way. Why was this stupid? Because by the time I actually went in to get them fixed, I was 23 and it came straight out of my stupid pocket.  And holy shit did it cost me an arm and a leg.  I asked the dentist who did it, if I’d ever be able to get braces, which had been my dream ever since I was 12 years old. “No.” He said. “Your teeth will never be strong enough.” I was -devastated-. Truly.

I can’t tell you how badly I wanted them, and what a massive crushing blow this was. Anyway, years and years went by, and I hit thirty, and my grandmother had left the grandchildren money when she died. I had more than enough to make an appointment with the orthodontist and see for sure whether or not I could get braces. They told me yes, and promised me that braces moved so slowly that teeth which had root canals were never in any danger. So I went ahead and had them fitted. It took two teeth being pulled out to make room for the rest to move back. That was stressful, but it was fine. I wanted it done, and I was going to do whatever I needed to, to do it. I still had dreams where my teeth were all falling out…and even though my dentist had to keep pausing to shake out his hand and almost put his foot up on my chest to yank my teeth out..and told me in no uncertain terms just how strong my jawbone and teeth are, I still felt as though they were ready to crumble on me at any second.

Anyway, two years with braces left me with straight teeth, and a wire along the back of my teeth at the bottom. It’ll be there, probably forever. But somehow, it dislodged itself a couple of days ago, and then last night I had a look at it in the mirror, and when it moved, part of my tooth moved with it too. I was horrified! A whole big chip of my tooth had been taken off by this wire! It was my dream coming true in front of my very eyes. I showed Ollie, just to be sure and he freaked out and told me to stop touching it. So I rung the Orthodontist today, and they said no one could see me until Monday. Ollie got shitty and called them back demanding that I be seen because I couldn’t go all weekend with a broken tooth. They fit me in today. I spent the whole day so worked up and terrified that I barely managed to keep any food down, and all I could think about was how much it’d cost to be fixed, how broke we now are, the kids, the mortgage, my still not having a job and a dentistry bill hanging over my head.

3pm finally came around and in I went. “Oh, it has come loose.” She said, and went about yanking my face around and scraping glue off. “Are you sure that’s not part of my tooth?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer. “Yep, just lots of glue.” She said, drilling the last of it off and regluing it back down again. I can’t even begin to express the huge amount of relief and foolishness I felt. She did say that sometimes the glue looks so much like teeth they have to test it, if it’s glue it turns grey and if it’s tooth it stays white. She said, that in the history of their practice, no one had lost any parts of their teeth. And I almost cried in both relief and embarrassment. I know that it fooled my husband and that I have a truly insane fear attached to my teeth breaking and falling out, but there is nothing in the world to stop you feeling like a stupid child when you’re ready to go in there and scream the practice down, only to realise that you have totally overreacted.

Aww Yeahh!

Internet! I got my braces off today!  It was strangely uncomfortable and not very pleasant, and then there was lots of drilling type stuff and polishing. By the time they were done, my mouth felt strange and empty. But OH MY GOD! My teeth are so straight and so lovely!  Not quite perfect yet, I need to have one filed down a little, but they really are GORGEOUS!

Afterwards, I was given my retainer, and now I talk like the big sister off South Park. I forget whose sister she is, but everything I say has the most hideous lisp.  It’s sort of amusing, but mostly embarrassing, and I can’t say anything without laughing at myself.  The teeth hurt right now.  I’m only allowed to take the retainer out for eating, and swimming type things. And when I did take it out to eat? I felt strange and naked and as if all my teeth might suddenly, for no particular reason at all, just drop right out of my head!  I was glad to put the retainer back in.  Is that weird? It feels safe, and homely. I’m not used to bare teeth anymore! Whatever will I do?  I’m so cute you could just eat me though.  These teeth are gorgeous.  Now that the braces are gone and I can see them properly, they are just delicious. I was worried for awhile that I wouldn’t like it, but I definitely do.  They are awesome!

Tomorrow I’m getting my hair done, and then I will be even more gorgeous than ever! Yes, photos are coming. Ollie took some tonight, they might be okay, but I want to wait until tomorrow and see if I can’t be just a little cuter.  Photos really bring out my wrinkly crinkly eyes. I don’t know when I got so old, but I’m not digging it so much. The more weight I loose, the more crinkly my eyes get. Not very fair I think.  Still, I have beautiful teeth.

Accidentally Kelly Street

I don’t know why I’m choosing that song title. Maybe because it’s all about me! Me, me, me!  A street that accidentally got named after me! I don’t think it was accidental at all, after all, is Kelly not the most perfect name for a street? Wouldn’t -you- like to live at number 12 Kelly Street?  Why do I get the silliest songs in the world named after me? Everyone else has cool ones, and I have a song that starts off like an episode of Play School “Here’s a door, and here’s a window, here’s the ceiling, and HERE’S THE FLOOR!” I want a cool song. Ollie likes this song, we have it on iTunes. I know, you’re thinking “Kelly’s husband has weird taste in music”  please, don’t even get me started.

I’m back internet! Did you miss me?  I missed me. I really did. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I’m feeling. Well, I probably could actually, but it would involve loads of really boring things about tests and bloods and getting a flu injection and weeping and then suddenly, not weeping anymore.  Can I just say, that I don’t know why nurses think it’s clever to give me a flu injection on the nose of my arm tattoo!  She had a student nurse with her, sweet thing, and they’re all “OOoohhhH! Did that hurt? It’s so BIG!”  And I might have had a moment of short man syndrome where I was completely flexing and excited about the fact that they just commented on the largeness of my appendage.  Oh get your heads out of the gutter!  An arm IS an appendage and that is where my tattoo is situated. “No” I replied. “Not really, you have a lot of tissue there on your arm, it didn’t hurt nearly as badly as the tiny one I have on my foot” I replied, and they were very interested.  “Well, I’ll just put it here, right above his little nose.” Said my asian nurse.  “Deep breath!”  Really? Deep breath?  They just asked me if the 5 hour tattoo (of course I told them that’s how long it took, they were even more impressed then) hurt, and now I have to take a deep breath for a wee injection?  Okay, maybe it hurt a little.  But only while she was pushing liquid underneath my flesh.  The needle didn’t hurt at all. Let’s not talk about the fact it was tender for two days.

Where was I going with that?  I can’t remember.  I seem to have a terrible case of sidetrackitis. I can’t help it. Every time I start something, I forget what I’m writing about and oohh hey! Kittens!  I stole that joke.  Is that considered plagerism? How about, if it’s not even funny?  Because that so wasn’t funny.  Don’t lie! I don’t need your pity.

I had my braces tightened today.  This involved lots of prodding and interest from the nurse who removes the rubberbands. She was very excited over my teeth. I don’t blame her. They’re really sexy. No really.  I keep catching sight of myself in the mirror and freaking out. “WHO THE HELL IS THAT?! oh,’s just me.”  I never realised that it would make such a huge difference to the shape of my face.  In fact, I know it has because while I was in Nelson..the time I went by myself some months ago, I went to visit my grandmother who has dementia. I can’t remember the last time she said my name, so I’m never exactly sure if she knows who I am, apart from someone who is related to her.  She looked at me for awhile and then she said “there’s something different about you.” And my mother said “she’s got braces now” and Nana said “Oh! Do you? You can’t even see them!”  But it’s true! The whole shape of my lower face is different.  Sometimes I smile and freak out. Other times I smile and really like it.  I can’t decide.  But anyway, she stopped fiddling around with them, and marvelling over my old photos and saying things like “did we remove teeth? Oh! Right!”  and the orthodontist man arrived.

“Hmm.” He says.  “I think, the next visit you have, will be your review.  Where we’ll just check to make sure everything is still good, and then you’re finished!”  I’m sitting there going “RLY?” because that’s exactly how you say it when your mouth is hanging open, and then proceeded to smile so much that I think it made it very difficult for him to reattach my rubber bands. All the gaps have closed up, he’s moving my front tooth around AGAIN which hurts…like..lots right now.  In fact the entire right side of my mouth is very unhappy. But that is the gap that still needs a little closure, so I understand its pain.  I can’t believe it!  The two years I’ve been wearing them has gone SO fast.  Well, two years in November.  And either the next visit, or the one after that, I will no longer be a braceface!  How exciting is that?!! I’m so excited I could pee! I love the braces, I do, but I’m totally over them. They’re extremely hard work.  I want to see my teeth without their cage!

I think I wanted to talk to you about something else.  It might have been my new found addiction to twitter. Have you seen twitter yet?  So much fun. You can get to my twitter by clicking the really huge “Twitter Me” at the top right of my blog page. And while you’re there? You should create your own twitter account and follow me. I’ll totally follow you back.  All the celebrities are on it, and you can follow them like an obsessive stalker and feel like they’re really talking to you when they post banal little 140 character snippets of their life.  I LOVE it. I can’t help myself. I find it utterly enthralling and am following way too many celebrities. I cannot stop making random posts, and trying to encourage them to talk back at me.  I think I need to be a little more random, because so far, they don’t respond, and that is not right.  No it isn’t!  Because seriously, how interesting am I?

Now playing: Rage Against The Machine – Revolver
via FoxyTunes

(PS. I’m inserting my foxytunes for my newly foxytuned friends. Ollie is so proud. Oh! Wait, wait!  You must see what I am now listening too!  They do not call me Accidentally Emo Kelly for nothing! The Smiths! “So you go, and you stand on your own, And you leave on your own, And you go home, And you cry and you want to die” so brilliant.)
Now playing: The Smiths – How Soon Is Now (12″ Version)
via FoxyTunes

Romance, it’s where the money is.

Isn’t it?  I think so.  I was sent a flyer today for a Romance writing seminar being held here in May.  I’m going to go. I am! I shall revolutionise the sordid world of Mills & Boon.  I do fancy myself a bit of a Romance Writer. I don’t really want to be known as a Romance Writer, but there is definite money in it.  And we all have to start somewhere, right? If nothing else, it will be an interesting experience to see what will come of it.

I have decided, yet again, that I am a writer.  That’s what I am.  That’s what I do, every single day of my life. That’s why, a lot of you like me. Isn’t it?  Because you find my writing interesting?  Thanks, by the way. Every single one of you makes taking this step a little bit easier for me. Without you, sitting there, behind your screens, encouraging me daily to write? I don’t think I’d be doing it at all.  Of course, it means I’m going to have to step back a little from writing with you, and into the world of solo writing.  Of writing the books that are swimming in the vast depths of my rather crazy mind. I don’t want to cast you out though, or make you feel like I’m not here for you, because I am.

I just think, it’s time to spend less time on msn, and in roleplay, and more time being a real life, working writer. It’s time I put on my big girl panties and took the plunge.  Of course, it’s still really hard. I am, terribly addicted to you all. And I cannot keep myself away from facebook, and message boards, and I will -always- make time to play with you.  Always.  You’re the reason I’m doing this, after all.  You’re the reason I have started to feel confident in my abilities. Even if you’ve stopped reading my blog, which I wouldn’t blame you for at all. I mean, how neglectful have I been lately?  I know.  Shutup. It’s a rhetorical question.

I had a nice day today. I spent it tidying up a bit, and relaxing and figuring some stuff out in my head.  I need perspective. I need to settle into a routine. I need to take care of my head, and my heart and remember what’s important, and what needs to be forgotten.  I need to remember that writing every day, should mean that I’m doing something which will maybe, hopefully, tentatively, please god…bring me money.  Because the truth is internet, I am much too fickle, much too eccentric, much too easily distracted for a normal every day job. I can’t do it.  I don’t know why I can’t do it, but I just can’t.  Writing makes me happy.

Do you see how easily distracted I am? I was supposed to tell you about my day!  I had my braces tightened today. “Are you over them yet?” He asked me and I replied with an open mouthed “uh huh!”  Ohmygod am I ever over them!  He said “well good. Because by the looks of things, they’ll be coming off soon.”  I perked instantly “rilly?” I managed with a rather clever roll of my tongue.  “Uh huh.”  He replied, even though his fingers where in -my- mouth and not his own.  Then he said “I really hope you aren’t cursing me tonight.” And proceeded to tell me how he was going to pull front tooth which used to cross over other front tooth back a little because it was shorter than other tooth. Or something.  “I hope that makes sense.” He said.  “Uh huh.”  I replied..not that it did at all.  I have no idea what he was talking about at all.

The appointment, was at 4pm. So the girls got to come with me. They sat in the waiting room glued to all the teenage magazines. “OMG MUM!” Aleeya squeaked excitedly when I came back out “Do you know that Robert Pattinson doesn’t think he’s a good kisser? And!!  In one scene he got so passionate, he”  She thought this was wonderfully hilarious, as we walked swiftly across the road to the mall.  “Yesss. I read that too.” I replied, not completely convinced that my ten year old daughter should be excited by RPattz falling off the bed at all.  Still. Who can blame her? He is after all, particularly delicious.

Anyway.  We crossed to the mall in order for me to fill a prescription, and to get the essentials.  You know, easter eggs and easter buns, which we dutifully opened and consumed while wandering around looking at funky kids clothing and jewellery.   Okay, only one easter egg each. My teeth were groaning with the mere thought of eating anything so soon after their tightening.  That tooth? In the front?  Yeah…it’s not particularly happy right now. Actually, all of them on that side feel rather uncomfortable. No pain in the bottom ones, yet. Still..deliciously straight. MY TEETH ARE STRAIGHT!

Ollie got home and wisely said “oh, I see.  Bought the essentials did we?”  Did you know you can get Pinky flavoured marshmellow eggs?  Pinky Bars, are pink marshmellow with caramel and then coated in milk chocolate.  Picture this, in the form of an easter egg. Internet.  I may have had a moment with them.  Dear god, they are the most perfect things ever invented. With the exception perhaps, of RPattz.  Hear the fangirls screaming.  I’m not one of them.  No..really.

7 months and 3 tightenings

I made my 9am appointment!  I’m amazed by this myself actually!  As always, I’m excited, yes, I do realise it’s incredibly strange to be excited by braces, but honestly.  They are the cutest things ever, even if they do hurt and cause me much annoyance while eating.  I don’t care, I love them! It’s the strangest thing ever, I just don’t quite understand how it works, every time I look at them in the mirror I’m almost scared.  I smile and have six teeth instead of two!  That probably makes very little sense to most of you, what I mean is, before I had braces, my two front teeth were so prominent and the others were sort of slotted in behind them.  Now they have gaps between them and I can, as I excitedly told my orthodontist today, spit between them!

It’s true! I have always had trouble flossing, because they were so bunched up and close together, now there are spaces that I can spit through!  This came up because today I had them tightened, obviously, and he had to remove a brace and place it back on again because the tooth has moved so much.  He also attached a band, which I was a little nervous about. I remember seeing them on other people, those great big rubber bands stretched from their top teeth to their bottom teeth, effectively loosely wiring their jaw shut.  I was not much looking forward to this.  Today, he put a thin, clear band from one tooth, over the empty gap where a tooth once was, and connected to the one behind it.  It sits over the wire, and you really cannot see it at all.  He said “you may notice that your teeth get gaps in them between now and your next appointment. Don’t worry, that’s supposed to happen and we won’t be leaving you with big gaps in your head.” So I explained to him that it was fine, and that I could already see the gaps and better yet, spit through them!  His entire face lit up, “excellent! excellent!”  he exclaimed with obvious delight.  It is probably very exciting for them too, to have patients who are, rather than really horrified by braces, enjoying the experience.

Oh sure, it hurts when they’re tightened and I hate that, my bottom lip peels every day, the whole shape of my face has changed, I can’t help clenching my teeth together because they’re always moving and changing the way my whole mouth feels, and for some reason, I’ve developed this annoying and painful habit of holding my tongue between said clenched teeth..but the braces are adorable.  Today they are blue.

I’m not sure were the good camera is, so you must put up with grainy cellphone pictures.  But you must ooh and ahh over how much different my teeth already look.  Please note, in both these photos, I’ve pushed my bottom teeth forward so you can see the bottom braces.  My overbite is a lot more pronounced than it looks in the pictures, but if I showed you that, you’d never see my bottom teeth at all.

So, a recap of my teeth on day one:

And 7 months, 3 tightenings later, you might just be able to pick out that clear rubber you see it?


I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, I forgot my limit for alcohol last night and I got drunk with Rachel which was so!much fun.  I can’t tell you what fun we had..yes online together alright? was hilarious, until this morning, when I got out of bed and my head said “uhh, what are you doing?”  so I drank water and had breakfast and felt seedy and sent the girls off to school.

It’s walk day today, and we’ve decided to go earlier, because we spend an hour already and we want to walk further.  Well, I had to ring and tell her I was running late and could we meet at 10am instead of 9.30am.  She was fine this..and then I thought about the fact that I’m getting my braces tightened tomorrow and that I must remember my cell phone just in case they call to confirm the appointment.  It was 9.45am by this I pull out my diary and…yes, you guessed it internet, the appointment was for TODAY!  At 9am.  OMG!  So I ring them up and I say “I think I missed my appointment”  and the girl says “oh yes, you did.  Well, the next time we can fit you in is April the 7th.”  !!!!!!

This is not good.  I go in tomorrow anyway to see a nurse who will put the wire back through the back brace, because it always falls out..but no tightening for another 5 or so weeks!  Why do they have to make me go in so early? Don’t they realise that I’m not a morning person?  I could have cried when she said “the only times we have are 8.30am, 8.45am or 9am.”  Yes, you guessed it, I chose the 9am…ugh.

So, now I have 10 minutes to get into town and I still haven’t written my grocery list.  Suffice to say, I was late, but we had a really good walk, even though I almost died and it was seriously hot.  I’m glad we didn’t go later.  We walked about 6km today and I’m very proud of in particularly considering how seedy I feel.  When we left, I realised that Ollie hadn’t taken his bike rack off the car, which means I’d have to fight the groceries into the back (we have a 2 door hatchback) and I was so tired, and my head was going “what have I told you about drinking beer Kelly?  Vodka chasers after your third beer is not clever.”  So I gave up and went home and had a cool shower and some headache pills.

I crawled onto my bed going “seedy, seedy…uuuggghhhh..bad bad bad..”  and curled up with a book.  I managed one chapter, just…and then I slept for a bit..I got up at 1.30pm and I’ve just finished a very strong, very sweet coffee and some pizza and I am regaining my sense of humanity again.  Thank GOD.   These things are not clever.  They might be fun at the time, but they are so not clever in the slightest.

So fun though. hehe

waaarmmmm day

Tonight, I’m going out to have my farewell evening with some of the gondola staff and some of the staff I work with.  It’s looking to be a good night actually, it’s 28 degrees out there, sweltering hot, and around 8-12 people are coming. It should be fun!  We’re going right across town for pizza and beer.  I’m totally up for pizza and beer right now, braces and all, damnit.

I just got back from the hairdresser, so my hair is all straight and slinkily gorgeous.  I made her not cut it today, she trimmed the little end bits so it would sit straight while it was straight and that’s it.  It’s right to the middle of my back now that she has straightened it.  I’m super proud of it!  It’s looking dark and stunning, and is caught behind the chair because it is just.that.long!!  I’m loving the long hair lately!  So loving it!!  And my lips have healed, so I’m looking much more gorgeous than I have been for the last few weeks, thank GOD.

Of course, since eating with braces has become, somewhat manageable, you’ll remember, internet – that I have been making up for lost time with the eating business so now I have a gorgeous slinky head and a little round body.  I look a bit like the father Christmas from Nightmare Before Christmas.  By the way, did you know that Tim Burton decorates his Christmas tree with dead babies and slime? I know right?   Back to the food’s just not fair. I was sure that I’d loose some weight, but noooo.  Anyway, I get these suckers tightened again tomorrow.  That’ll teach me to eat like my life depends on it. Mushy foods for me again..the bastards are doing it at 9am.  They know how to torture you…

I had something else to say and I have no idea any more what it was.  I think that means it’s time for me to turn up my music and go lay on my deck.  It’s a little overcast which means that I should have 5 minutes, before I come in looking like a charred bbq sausage.

I love summer.  Wish I’d shaved my legs though.  heh.

Oh chit.

One of the little back metal in..the very back important one that holds the wire in place…broke off my braces while I was eating my toast this morning. I’m so back to eating toast…mmm…toast. I broke off and I have to work today! I shall have to ring them and see just how important it is that I have it fixed before Wednesday.

Also, apparently now my lower lip has broken out in a fuckin’ rash. I am not a happy Kelly.

Settling in..

Every night we do a little more. I’ve cleared the last box in the hall, Ollie has done one of his..we have about 4 left I think..and they need some contemplation yet. One is full of old photos and frames that we don’t need anymore, I’ve taken out all the frames I want to keep, I’m thinking, one photo each of the girls as babies, and then the rest I’m going to remove, store and replace with newer photos. It’s really starting to come together nicely though I have to say. Still a little more cluttered than I’d like, but nothing like the other house at all.

Ollie went over to the other house tonight and caught up with the landlord. He is putting in a deck and was over there digging up one of the old monster rosebushes. He was really happy with the property and said that everything was fine, just the normal wear and tear you’d expect on a house after 5 years. We’re getting our full bond back too, and it’s a pretty good sized one, it will come in very handy, particularly at this time of year! A couple of weeks ago, I also put in my application for the second part of my teaching grant, which should hopefully come in soon too, and of course, it’s my last week of work next week so I’ll be getting a reasonable holiday pay on top of my final wage. So yay! Sooo needed right now too, we still haven’t managed to do our Christmas shopping, and there is still Aleeya’s birthday too! Ollie is taking next friday off work, and we’re going to go shopping! Yes, yes, 11 days before Christmas and 5 days before Aleeya’s birthday, but hey! Last year I was perfectly on time with everything, and this year has been a huge mess as far as anything other than work and house purchasing goes.

Even my poor lips are calming down. Thanks so much for the advice..I’ve had sore lips before, but never like this, or for this long! I hate sore lips! I mean, it’s bad enough that I have sore teeth! By the way, speaking of teeth, for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been able to eat again, and by god have I been making up for lost time. I just can’t stop myself! I eat and eat and eat, it’s revolting! It sickens me! And of course, with everything that’s been going on, it’s all been bad food. I suck!! It’s not that they don’t hurt’s just that the back ones are a lot more unhurty now, but my front ones..particularly the top ones are uncomfortable.  Not hurty, but uncomfortable.  They’re moving already though, my sticky outty one in the front is almost level with the other front one!  I’m really amazed! I didn’t believe her when she told me that I’d see a difference by the time I was due to go back.

My teeth creak. It’s the weirdest thing ever. I don’t know if they’re supposed to or not, one of my friends said they are..but I’m all “are you certain? Did yours?” And she’s all “yes Kelly. Yes.” So..there you go. I can hear them creak, I’m sure of it. When I like..pull my lips over them..they creak..sort of like..clicking into place or something if, they might fall out at any minute!

I’m having them tightened next week. I’m also having my hair done – the day before, and going out for pizza and beer with anyone from work who’ll show. So far..there are three of them coming and possibly 4 gondola operators and a gondola operators girlfriend. I hope they do come, I’m feeling like pizza and beers and good old fashioned work stories. Oh, I so have one I should share on’s so politically incorrect though, and I just KNOW people will be offended, so I’m not sure I will yet. hee! Are you curious? You should be.

metal mouth!

Yesterday, I decided to write my post before I had dinner. This isn’t a good plan, because, as you could see, I was tired and just couldn’t be bothered putting any real effort in. So today, I decided I’d wait until I’d finished doing everything that I do in the day, and post it before I go to bed. Which is what I have been doing.

The problem with that today is, I got my braces put on at 11am. I know! How exciting is that right? Almost 20 years I’ve wanted braces and now, I finally have them. I was so excited that I arrived early, which is unheard of for me. The whole process was really bizarre and took around half an hour I guess. We talked about fun stuff like political ideas, the war in Iraq, what books the Orthodontist studied in English (A Clockwork Orange..can you believe that? So cool!) and a bunch of other things too. Then they filled my mouth with weird contraptions to hold it open, sucked my saliva out with a machine…brushed my teeth with something that felt like sand, and then glued the braces on.

I kept telling them how I was really excited, and they were excited too. Apparently, normal people aren’t excited by braces, and 13 – 14 year old boys are the worst. I can understand why, it’s not so nice having some big guy try to put his fingers in your mouth. I however, was very obedient and well behaved and enjoyed every minute of it. I even got to choose what colour rubber bands to have. – They’re pink by the way. Hot, shocking pink.

I went home just as excited, you can tell just how crooked my teeth are now, because the wires are’s weird! I’m waltzing all around the place, smiling at myself in everything that vaguely shows my reflection and feeling decidedly gorgeous all day long, and then, at dinner time, I”m starving. I made myself a banana yoghurt smoothie for lunch, it was great, but 4 hours later STARVING! So, I’m cooking pasta and tuna and still feeling brilliant about my braces, and then I sit down to eat.

I swear to god..this is so not a pleasant experience. One of the back brace things is obviously there to pull my back tooth upright, which means, it is sitting sort of sideways in my mouth, so when I bite together, my teeth don’t close..they just..hit that brace and make chewing, impossible. But, not only this internet..ohh no. Every time I chew, pieces of tuna, and pasta stick in my gummy missing tooth holes, wedged under the wire that slides across those empty spaces like some sick egg cutter. You know the ones I mean right? You stick your egg in them and bring down the top and all these super thin wires slice the unassuming egg into thin pieces? My tongue, trying desperately to unwedge those pieces of pasta very nearly became that egg.

So, I give up on dinner, although I did do a pretty good job on it, and Aleeya being the helpful girl she is, shows me how easy it is to swallow whole pasta spirals..encouraging me to give it a go..alas, I just can’t bring myself to do it. So, I wander out and attempt my first ever tooth brushing mission with braces. I have fun little christmas tree shaped toothbrushes, which I get to poke up between the was easier than it looked, although, I have to admit, I’m still frightened by the dental floss, which she kindly told me I don’t have to do, if it’s too difficult…I can see it being too difficult. It was too difficult with normal floss!

Seriously though, the agony! The pain! The bone crunching viciousness of throbbing teeth after trying to eat! It’s just terribly wrong! So, so very wrong! And then I ate icecream, and that made me feel better, particularly because I had it with strong head ache pills. But the point of all this was to explain that today it was a bad idea to wait, because now I’m hurting and not nearly as excited about the fact that I have the cutest braces in all the world on my teeth that didn’t hurt at all until 7pm when I was still toiling through my meal. So, so not cool.

I talk with a lisp now too. It’s disturbing. And, the feeling of them on the insides of my lips is insane. It feels like my teeth are coated in concrete. Oddly enough, I find myself rather liking the strange dull know when you have a sore tooth that you just have to keep poking to be sure it really is still sore? That’s my entire mouth! Who knew! Alright, so I was warned lots about the pain, and’s not that bad until I try to eat something..and the whole food stuck in my braces thing is more than slightly disturbing. I’m not at all sure how I’m going to get through work with them, I’ll be in the bathroom all day brushing food out of them, but still. Am I pleased with myself? Hell yes, I am!

They said to me that, by my next appointment which is December 12, in case you’re wondering..that I’ll notice a difference already, and that after 6 months, people will be saying “but your teeth are straight! Take them off!” and then, that’s when the hard work starts and the big rubber bands come on to pull those suckers back and fill up my gappy holes.

Make sure that you all think good thoughts for me during this time. I am still a little terrified that my two front root canalled teeth are going to go “WTF are you doing to us! We give up!” and drop out of my skull. I know, I know my dentist’s arm almost fell out of its socket due to the insane strength of my teeth but…does that include the dead ones?

Yes, you’re absolutely right. Of course it does. Now take a look at how irresistably gorgeous my freshly braced mouth is.